I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
