remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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