He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
