I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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