hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
