Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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