there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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