Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
