oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
