Midget sex pt 2 tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
