So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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