zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
