I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
