The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
