You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
