I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
