eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
