I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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