So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
