Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
