I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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