There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
soo... how was my night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
