So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
