We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
