If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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