So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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