Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
