I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm always down for nudity.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
