my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
