It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
