You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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