And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
