he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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