I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
