4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
