We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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