So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
