I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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