five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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