strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
