I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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