i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize