Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
