Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
