Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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