Her vagina should come with caution tape.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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