I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
