Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
