The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
