i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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