I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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