Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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