I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
