im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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