you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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