it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
