The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
