I've blown a few things in my day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
