big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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