This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just threw up on my dentist
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize