this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
