He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
