and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
false alarm. still invincible.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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