he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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