You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
