im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
