Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
