brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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