I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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