The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
