I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
