Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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