I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
